Posted by: Kristen Ridley | November 8, 2010

We interrupt our regularly scheduled blog . . .

stop sign . . . to update you on this shocking news: THERE ARE STUPID PEOPLE OUT THERE . . . walking around in workplaces and everything!!

Okay, that probably isn’t news to you, especially if you’re a communicator.

Anyway, I had a different post all written, spell-checked, and ready to publish for today, but, well, as all you communicators out there know all too well, we must be flexible, nimble, and ready at the proverbial moment’s notice to change direction. Today is that moment.

I received an email recently from a fellow-communicator – who, for reasons which will momentarily become all too apparent, must remain anonymous – with a description of an incident at said communicator’s workplace. It was one of those vent-a-paloozas that we’ve all engaged in, when the stupid people seem to literally be taking over the joint and making our sacred and honourable quest [much like Arthur’s Knights – well, except far better dressed and coiffed, no offense to the Round Table set – but I mean – Really? Armor?! I think not.] for delivering clear and honest communications into a travesty of jargon, obfuscation and, well, just a big smelly pile of B.S.!!

Being a communicator who’s been there many times myself, and, being in a quirky sort of mood when I received the email, my response to the sad story told by this communicator-under-fire was delivered in verse.

While I can’t offer details of the actual incident – we here at the “Stuff That Matters To Me” blog take venting-communicator-anonymity VERY seriously – the communicator in question encouraged me to post the response I sent him and/or her [again – anonymity first!] here on the blog, because it apparently offered some small consolation for the outrages this besieged communicator was forced to endure.

Here then, in its entirety, is the response I offered my communicator/friend:

I’m feeling poetic today [I don’t know why, when all I’m doing is house-cleaning, but there you have it!] so I thought I’d reply – to these twits, not, of course, to YOU!! – in verse [admittedly, BAD verse, but people keep telling me “it’s the thought that counts”] so here goes:

Stupid people, GO AWAY!
You give my head a PAIN.
Cause as was said by Carly:
You are all so freakin’ VAIN!!

You don’t know what you’re doing,
And you’re getting in the way.
With nothing to contribute,
Your voice sounds strangely like a bray.

I know what I am doing.
And I do NOT need your “help”.
So – here’s a though: How bout’
You take a dive into some kelp [Hey I WARNED YOU it was bad verse!]

Don’t think I have no recourse,
That I cannot make you hurt.
I could take you out in seconds.
While looking nonchalant, and pert.

So shut your mouth and listen!
Just take my good advice.
If you don’t quit causing trouble, pal,
My aim WILL BE precise!

Feel free to forward this onto all doofuses in your organization, credited to me. What do I care what they think, I don’t even know them!

Please understand that I recognize this “poetry” is awful. However, it served its allotted purpose in helping the communicator in question laugh about the irritating frustrations that he and/or she was enduring. I am a firm believer in never, never, NEVER, allowing the inveterate nonsense which is so deeply entrenched in so many corporate environs to take away our senses of humour, whatever else they may succeed in taking away. If you’ll forgive me a shameful rip-off of famous philosopher Rene Descartes: “I laugh, therefore you cannot get on my last nerve, and I will not be forced to put rat poison in your cheese danish at tomorrow’s morning meeting!”

Editor’s note: should you wish to see a [marginally] better example of my delusions of poetic talent, consider seeing the earlier post – Ode to a Communicator

So, in summary then – not only do I write horrendous poetry, I blithely savage sacred philosophical truths. What can I say? I’m a Renaissance woman – it’s a gift!!

Seriously, though, whatever ELSE I may or may not be, I AM a supporter of all my fellow communicators and their efforts to navigate the treacherous minefield that is being a communicator in a world of people who can’t punctuate to save their lives, never mind understand why “Because I said so!” isn’t ACTUALLY “strategic planning”. If my silly tongue-in-cheek posts give even one of my compatriots a momentary giggle, that allows them to ease the frustrations and go back into the fray revitalized and ready for a renewed fight, then I will consider my work here done.

P.S. I can’t promise that there won’t be more bad poetry. One just never knows where inspiration will take one, so drop in at your own risk in future. 😉



  1. I love your talent on so many levels!!! This is a keeper – frame it on the wall!

  2. You get danishes at your meetings? Wow!

  3. Nancy: No, OF COURSE NOT!!! The OTHER people get danishes. I can barely afford the rat poison to have on hand!! 😉

  4. I love this, K. I am laughing aloud! (No more LOL based on E’s last column.)

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